What took place this day was a change in my beliefs regarding walking, that is a change in my ‘psycho physical habit and reactions’ as proposed by Daboo (2007). In my habitual mode of self use I had certain beliefs of how much effort was needed to walk, I had come face to face with an ‘embodied assumptions,’ which I carried and which had remained unquestioned and had been informing my way of walking (Zarrilli, 2002a). In discovering that I may walk more freely and more efficiently through directing my efforts in a new manner I had to change my beliefs. I remember distinctly taking the first step and having a moment of revelation as I realised how ‘little’ it took to walk, how very little I had to ‘do’ to take a step. In fact my account of the experience suggests that the effort needed was so little that I was unable to locate a ‘feeling sense’ reference for the movement which was nonetheless taking place. I experienced how parts of my ‘own body’ disappeared along with parts of my sense of self.
The classes in which I have taken part include both discussion of theory and practical lessons where each of the students work with Weed on a particular activity. The practical activity can be a common everyday action such as sitting on a chair or it may be a specialised activity such as a particular movement practiced in a form of martial arts or a section of choreographed dance. During this class I was working with Weed on my activity which was walking. Through the work much of the unnecessary muscular activity which I habitually engage during walking was inhibited and as I was learning to change my ‘thinking’ regarding my notion of walking I experienced a ‘disappearance’ of the boundaries of my leg in a manner in which I was unable to ‘feel my legs’ and I was unable to understand (feel) the relationship of my legs and feet and the floor. This disappearance of my legs was not due to numbness or a loss of awareness, but rather as the unnecessary muscular effort was stopped this resulted in a lack of the stimuli which would during my habitual use of self generate for me a ‘feeling sense’ reference of my legs. In this experience I conceived that I had moved closer to using only the effort necessary for walking and no more. This loss of the familiar feeling sense led me to have an experience of a loss of self. My leg, to all intents, literally and practically disappeared to me as there was no feeling sense reference which I would have been able to detect. Thus I lost the familiar ‘feeling’ which previously had functioned as my reference for creating my sense of ‘self.’ Therefore, in this loss of the boundary of my leg a substantial aspect of my ‘self’ disappeared along with it. I did not feel this was a negative experience; rather, I experienced a great delight in the feeling of freedom and ease which had replaced my habitual experience of walking.
What took place this day was a change in my beliefs regarding walking, that is a change in my ‘psycho physical habit and reactions’ as proposed by Daboo (2007). In my habitual mode of self use I had certain beliefs of how much effort was needed to walk, I had come face to face with an ‘embodied assumptions,’ which I carried and which had remained unquestioned and had been informing my way of walking (Zarrilli, 2002a). In discovering that I may walk more freely and more efficiently through directing my efforts in a new manner I had to change my beliefs. I remember distinctly taking the first step and having a moment of revelation as I realised how ‘little’ it took to walk, how very little I had to ‘do’ to take a step. In fact my account of the experience suggests that the effort needed was so little that I was unable to locate a ‘feeling sense’ reference for the movement which was nonetheless taking place. I experienced how parts of my ‘own body’ disappeared along with parts of my sense of self.
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Karoliina SandströmThis is a blog about theatre, acting, actor training and the wonders of this ancient art. I am an professional actor, director and writer, with a PhD considering the role of Self and No-Self in psychophysical actor training. I am the co-founder of Espacio Kuu. Do you want personalised coaching for you creative career in theatre?I offer personalised coaching for the creative development of individual artists seeking their unique artistic expression, a safe and nourishing creative process and the expansive potentialisation of their artistic selves.
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